Category Archives: Life

Second chances?

If you know me I will profess that I am not one to give second chances, however in practice sometimes I am more forgiving than I would like to be. Whether it is because I feel that the person is worth another shot or because I feel that they have grown in understanding of material things that we previously disagreed about.

With that being said, a few years ago I met a man, and within 16 days of meeting him, I had fallen in love with him. I knew that it was more than lust because there was a sense of peace that engulfed all the little time that we spent together.

Following these 16 days, we broke things off. Various factors came into play but I do truly believe that we just met at an intersection of our lives that was equally difficult for both of us. Following this, we would have sporadic check in’s with each other as the connection was undeniable. He lived in my mind rent-free and from the conversations, I gathered that I did too.

About a year after this, with nothing to do on New Years’ Eve, he came over and we ushered the year in together. After that, I did not see him for almost two years. The sporadic texts happened here and there, but nothing came of it.

On the second of April 2022, I took a long bath as I waited for him to arrive at my place. He was visiting the country for about 2 weeks and had to fit in relatives, his daughter, and friends within that span of time. This would also include him having to travel to a neighbouring country to see more family.

And so as I soaked in the water and had my wine I waited up past my bedtime to see him. Mind you my bedtime is 08:30pm. Things kept coming up and eventually at about 10:00pm I settled into my disappointment that this was not going to happen. I texted him that it was okay. That it seemed he has overstretched himself on this trip as he had to make up for the lost COVID years with people who are genuinely more intricate to his life.

He arrived though. Famished because I had cooked supper for us and as such he didn’t eat before. He ate and the small talk was minimal as I was still struck by the fact that he was sitting on my couch. I led him upstairs to my room and switched on the lights leaving on the fairy lights that bordered the frame of my bed. At this point, he kisses me. Deeper than the first time when he walked in with a hug at the ready for me. To say that my underwear combusted into flames would be an understatement. There was not a doubt in my mind that this man wanted me. That he was certain of this moment here regardless of the long day that he had. I had his full attention and nothing was going to deter him.

We fell asleep at around 2 after I couldn’t control my giggles and smile with the small talk. At every moment in the evening when I would turn around to get more comfortable, he would follow me and pull me towards him in order to get closer. He would make sure to touch me and make sure that I knew he was there and then quickly fall asleep again. This was heaven for my touch-starved self who had been on a sex and companionship hiatus for over 5 months.

In the morning he had to leave and I was certain I would cry. Not even two hours later I had already texted him that I missed him and that he should come back. Something that was unlikely due to his schedule. For the life of me though, I needed to feel his hand back on my thigh as he held it firmly to make sure that I was present in the moment.

I was immediately drawn back to the first 16 days when we initially met. The intensity of the connection between us was drawn out because of the level of intimacy shared. The vulnerability to be open about insecurities and fears and having someone who took the time to listen. Was this about to be the same again? Having a burst of passion followed by a long absence. This was the same man that during foreplay had taken the time to kiss me everywhere that I had told him was an insecurity. Had whispered that he adored those specific places.

We spoke almost every day until he came back from out the country again. I did not expect him to come over after such a long traveling day and yet he showed up, as he said that he would. My period was expected to start within the next 48 hours and naturally, my emotions were heightened. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to baby me through it all and then never leave after that. In the morning though he had to take his daughter to school and so we packed her school lunch and he was off at the crack of dawn. Making the return from Jo’burg to Pretoria one last time that late afternoon.

He was exhausted and went to take a nap. When I went to join him after finishing work for the day I woke him by mistake and ended up naked with makeup on. An experience my poor sheets had to recover from. After laying together in the late afternoon as if time had stopped for us he hurriedly went back to Jo’burg to see more family that evening and left in the same weekend. I savoured that last interaction though because he smells like heaven. Not from any artificial scent though, just his natural body scent that drives me to distraction even as I type this.

It has been just over two weeks since I last saw him and life has gotten in the way with work, school, and general obligations, but I do think about those encounters often.

There was a fundamental shift in how we related to each other recently. When we met almost 5 years ago, we were both at intersections of getting to know ourselves better. Self-development, break-ups, navigating therapy as well as trying to define what our next steps would be in terms of relationships and what they looked like for us.

Choosing not to do those things together shaped us very differently and led us to different avenues. Although only briefly spoken of, the idea of doing outside activities with each other came up. Both terrified me and excited me equally. After sitting with those emotions I realised it was because of the implications that it presented. We would be out together, doing stuff and not just building intimacy confined to my space.

Was this actually something that I wanted? How would that practically work? Would I be able to give a proper second chance to see if we could iron out things that did not initially work?

This, only time will tell.

A new year

I have been payign for this site for over a year and have only posted about 12 times.

This was my first thought when I had to renew and pay again at the end of last year. It felt like a waste and I berated myself for it. How could I possibly be wasting so much money!

This berating did not help in the least to get me motivated and writing again. As these things go, it is now almost February and not a single word of mine has been published here. Was I in for yet another toungue lashing from myself? No. Not at all.

I decided to give myself grace. My year was overwhelming with changing positions at work, a big move and overall just living through a pandemic. Kinder words are always needed in these instances because who could possibly have foretold the way that the world is panning out right now?

This year I have dedicated to giving myself leeway and grace, but more importantly to being patient with myself as I navigate my life.

Cheers to the first post of 2022

Sliding into the DM’s

When Olivia and I first interacted in the middle of 2015 I didn’t think that we would be chatting daily. You see, I mistakenly tagged her on my natural hair page @Hulis_Hair (previously AfroHealthSA) and she corrected me but then still went on to follow the page. Soon after that she followed my personal account and I followed right back.

Weeks later she sent me a direct message and asked if she could do a post about me on her website at the time ( Of course, I said yes because I thought it was amazing that this girl all the way in Tanzania thought that I was cool enough to feature.

As we chatted through emails I found out that she seemed to be a nice human being. My gut also told me that she was genuine. After going back and forth between emails and DM’s Olivia mentioned her desire to come to South Africa. I took a leap and gave her my number and asked her to send me a message if she didn’t think I was being too weird. In some parts I kind of  expected her to just say thank you and never make use of my number, but I soon found out that she was actually happy to have it.

We were talking every day for most of the day on WhatsApp about our normal lives with voice notes and video calls in-between. Very soon after that came the tagging on Instagram when we saw a funny picture or a lovely quote. We discovered that we had a similar sense of humour and it became effortless to talk about all things under the sun. We went from being acquaintances on social media to becoming great friends online.

As we continued to talk Olivia would bring up South Africa more and more. We played around with ideas of what I thought of certain places and arranged a few logistics. I must say though, my first and then recurring thought was that she was absolutely brave! Who visits a country where the only point of reference is a stranger that they met online? What if I was a serial killer who preys on Instagram girls?

After many mails about accommodation and transport details she was booked and ready for her travels to South Africa. We had arranged that I was to meet her on the day after her arrival in October 2015 when she had finished a hot air balloon sunrise experience. I drove to the venue at the approximate time that she had advised me to arrive and I waited in my car. I sent up a prayer hoping that this wasn’t an elaborate plan to try and kidnap me and sell me on the black market.

What followed was a day at the Harties Zoo, the dam and then a drive to Sandton to find her accommodation. After a bit of a mishap and location changes we managed to check her in and went for supper and drinks where we met up with a few of my closest friends. Olivia then spent a few more days in the area and managed to make friends everywhere she went with such ease and grace that I was in awe.

Since then we have been involved in each other’s lives. The highs and the lows, heartbreak and heartfelt laughs.

My experience with online friends has always turned out for the best, but this was my first life changing one. Seeing bravery in a young black woman who wants to explore the world on her terms. Her visit here afforded me a strong friendship and an even better prayer warrior who intercedes for me.

Then in 2019 my best friend and I had the opportunity to visit Olivia in Tanzania for an extended Christmas visit. A story that I will tell another day.